The chronicles of my first marathon

I decided to have a crack at the 10K marathon, so I registered for one, “Tridhaatu Monsoon 10K Run”. This race will help me to qualify for the upcoming Tata Mumbai Marathon 2019 if I finish this race within 56 mins. Last week having cycled for 100 KM, I have got the cyclist’s Palsy. The fingers of my left hand are out of tune. And this scares the living daylights out of me, But I decided to go the distance and took it like a duck to water.

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As I took my position at the start point, seeing myself at the finish point within 56 mins became a concrete motive. When Shilpa Shetty flagged off the marathon, I started doing, what I had never done before. I started running without fits and starts. The first lap I run fast with 4 mins pace, but as the distance kept increasing I lost my pace to 5 mins.

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At 5 KM, I was exhausted, dehydrated and my legs were tired to run further. But this was the only ticket on which I would be able to apply for the recently opened registration for Mumbai Marathon.

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So, I started running again, with hope as my greatest cheerleader and finished the race fair and square at 51 mins. As I was honored with the medal, the moment warmed the cockles of my heart.

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#Itsoktobenotok

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I can’t begin to describe the sort of obstacles that I faced when for the first time I stepped out of my school life. I started observing, how for people, colour, look, and class mattered the most. It happened everywhere and still happens and most of the time we don’t realize that we are being discriminative to other people. I was called names, in the college function, I was nominated in the worstdress up category. My classmate said, “I am untouchable.” Another said, “my Facebook post doesn’t get many likes.” It hurt me like never before. I was already growing up in a dysfunctional family. I experienced trauma and pain from my parents’ continuous fight for stupid things. I experienced episodes of epilepsy attacks. All these made me depressed and lonely. It took a toll on my mental health. Slowly, slowly I started cutting myself off from them. I thought I am at the wrong place or with wrong people. In fact, there were many people who spoke negatively about the place where I come from. This is the very reason I never tell where exactly I live and whenever my friends offer to drop me at my place, I deny or fabricate a lie. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore, or ever again. So, I changed. I have invested a lot to time in the past three years to make myself presentable and optimistic person. I feel confident and smart now. I have also made a whole new set of friends who like to explore life rather than merely living it. I have received compliments like ‘You are a star, you have a beautiful mind, I enjoy your company.’ Today, I am a headstrong person, and there is no way that I would bow down to any insult. I have come a long way but there are still many things I am working on to improve myself and to make love, trust, and acceptance as my mantra. I just want to tell you guys that it’s ok to be not ok but it’s not ok to not seek help. Talk about it. Your story could change a life.

@MpowerMinds #StampOutStigma #Itsoktobenotok

A girl who does video chat…

I am writing after a long gap. I think I should continue to write again, and daily, without bothering myself about what others think. I have always been a silent person. I wasn’t like this 10 years back, but some time life hits you so badly that it makes you a completely different person out of you. I accept that I easily fall in love with the person who makes me feel that I am not alone in this fast-paced life. A small gesture of care from others makes me love them madly. I have very selective friends and even a small text from them makes my day. I find happiness in small things, things that are done with good heart and without expectations. I revel in watching flowers grow, marvel at the beautiful red and orange colors of a sunrise or sunset. Every morning I get up in hope of finding something worth sharing with others. I see this girl sitting in front of the Closed shop of total sports at Dadar through the window of the bus I catch for the station. In the left hand, she holds mobile, while right hand she uses to make a gesture. She does video chat because she can’t talk. Yes, she is a differently abled person, but her smile speaks volumes. Every time I look at her, she proves me wrong, wrong about life, wrong about it not being worthy, because every time I look at her all I want to do is live.

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Am I the only one?

Am I the only one who is not able to find the purpose of life? Am I the only one who is not being able to understand what people want from me? Am I the only one who comes up with the question of whether I am needed in this world? Am I the only one who is afraid of being a piece of unwanted thing lying in some corner worthless? Am I the only one who is not being kissed and told how much someone loves me? Am I the only one who is not being hugged and said don’t worry, I am there for you? Am I the only one, who is trying to run away from the home and the gloominess it has to offer? Am I the only one seduced by the thought of leaping to death? Am I the only one who believes that my happiness lies amidst nature? Am I the only one looking for the far-reaching landscape of hills? Am I the only one who is looking not for solitary but combined solitary? Am I the only one?